Day 28 Christmas Eve

Ive been looking back over the Advent blogs of the past few years.  The first one was in 2012 so there have been rather a lot of posts and musings you have all faithfully trawled through!  Thank you :)  it is always really humbling for me when you guys read and enjoy and comment on and share these.
Blogger gives me statistics on where in the world these posts are read and how many people read each post.  And I have found it interesting to note that the posts which are most widely read are mostly the ones which I consider to be ' contentious ' in some way.   This year the blog entitled ' on being grumpy' has had the most reads!   A few years ago the post on depression was read by twice as many people as anything else I wrote that year. And the posts on bomb strikes and refugees have also been well received.

It strikes me that what people really appreciate is honesty and some down to earth nitty gritty sharing of the dilemmas we face as Christians.  Yes, we all like a good dose of hope and joy and jokes and funny stories.  But what people are hungry for is someone standing alongside them who says ' I dont really understand how this works'  or '  Im actually finding this quite hard'  or ' why do I feel like this?'  Sometimes its good to see someone else put into words things which you have been thinking or feeling but haven't yet managed to express.

God knows that this is what we are like.  He knows that we need someone to walk alongside us and tell us that what we are feeling is understandable.  So He gives us His word.  Full of wit and wisdom and stories of people who have been through that very thing we are facing today.  He gives us His Spirit, to comfort us when we mourn, lift us when we stumble and guide us when we are directionless and wandering.   And He gives us His Son.  The wonderful counsellor, the mighty one, the prince of peace, the light in the darkness, companion on the road. Alpha and Omega.  He didnt have to do that, but He did.  And don't we love Him for it?

It has been so good to take some time every day to ponder on what God has been saying and doing and to focus on the true meaning of Christmas again this year.   Not many of my thoughts have been original or terribly profound, but writing them down is a discipline which is good for me.   I hope reading them has been in some small way good for you too.

I wish you a blessed, peaceful, happy Christmas full of the word the Spirit and the Son of God.  And a 2017 which sees your prayers answered and your lives growing in all His goodness  xxx

Day 27 ( children)

I've been very impressed this year by how many churches and charities and organisations are going out of their way to give Christmas to the poor.   There is a cafe in Belfast which is opening to give a free Christmas lunch to fifteen people on Sunday.  Our own church is doing the same and has also given out over 200 hampers this year.  In the next town a charity is busy giving presents to children

Hampers ( boxes) of food and gifts donated
 by our  church this year 

who are not going to have much of a Christmas this year - it is very heartening to know that in the midst of the getting and spending people do care and are thinking about how to practically reach out to the marginalised and vulnerable in society.

Today I dropped off a couple of Christmas puddings to a charity which was asking for the last few items on a shopping list of things for families who would otherwise not be having Christmas dinner on Sunday.  Ben asked what I was doing and why, so I tried to explain.  But when you are 11 and you have always had Christmas it is hard to imagine how difficult things must be for anyone not to be able to afford it.   I think back to my own childhood, when my parents had divorced and my Mother was working all the hours she could just to put food on the table.  We had nothing.  Not that we realised that as children really.  But looking back now I can see how hard Mum struggled to give us a good Christmas - saving up all year and doubtless going without lots of things she would have liked herself just so my brother and I would not be disappointed.   Im sure she felt it was worth the effort on Christmas Day when we were happy and amazed at the things Santa had left for us.  Just as I will feel it is worth the effort on Sunday - because I just want my kids to be delighted.  

It seems to be hard wired into us as human beings that we put our kids first.  Not just when they are tiny helpless infants, but as they grow to adulthood too.  We will sacrifice and spend and taxi and serve and nurse and discipline - not just so that they will turn out to be confident, happy, well adjusted individuals who can cope in the world, but because doing those things actually makes us happy as parents.  Or as adults involved in a child's life.  Meeting the needs of children fulfils something in us.  And when we see children in need we are moved to respond.

All of which makes it all the more remarkable that God, the Father of all fathers, the essence of love, the heart of compassion and kindness and mercy, chose to hand over His one and only Son and see Him born into poverty.  See Him struggle as a refugee and live under the rule of an occupying army.  Watch Him grow up as a humble carpenter, facing the daily dangers of injury and illness and accident.   How often would the heart of the Father have longed to step in and provide for His Son - especially at the end of His life ?  When the angels were straining to go and rescue Jesus and He Himself was pleading  ' Let this cup pass me by'    If that was your son pleading what would you have done??

If we love children how much more does God love His own Son?  And yet He set aside that overwhelming overpowering love in favour of you.   He loved you more.  He loved you so much that He was prepared to see His own Son crucified so that you could know Him.   It is hard to think about isnt it?    This Christmas as we watch small people delighting in gifts and enjoying the results of all the hard work and time and money we have put in let us remember the God who spent so much more so that we could have peace, joy and eternal life.  And let us be more thankful than we have ever been.

Day 26 friends

Ive got a migrane and not much energy to think about blog today so am directing you to a post from two years ago about friendship which bears repeating :)  Love you all   xxx

http://2015adventblog.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/thursday-17th-december.html

Day 25 ( receipts)

Excitement and exhaustion are mounting in equal measures.  The boys finished school yesterday and I finish work today so the end is in sight .  I cant wait to not have to get up in the morning and for the odd pyjama day by the fire.  And for the boys to open their presents.  That will be the best bit.

Ive kept the receipts for most things , just in case.  And as I was thinking about the blog yesterday the word ' receipt'  kept coming back to me.   A receipt is a piece of paper - a document- which proves that money, goods or information have been received.  It proves to both the buyer and the seller that a transaction has taken place and possession of that document usually entitles the buyer to a refund or a return in case of faults or dissatisfaction.   Funny isnt it that a small piece of paper can be so important. ?

These days people place alot of importance on proof.  If you can't prove you bought something from a certain place at a certain time then the chances of getting your money back are slim.  It is hard evidence and people would rather believe the piece of paper than your word.

What is the hard evidence in your life that you have been purchased by God?

If someone wanted proof that you have been paid for - what would you show them?  The hard evidence rather than just your words.

It seems to me that the receipt we have to show people is the Holy Spirit and more specifically the fruit that He grows in us.

For me the patience and the self control are the hardest to display to others.   I think I can display some peace and some faithfulness and quite a bit of kindness.   But self control...... hmmmm,  I'm not sure there is enough of that in my life to constitute hard evidence of belonging to Jesus.   But hey!  I'm a work in progress.  And so are you  😊

This Christmas as we put receipts in a safe place just in case, and as we possibly return things in January to get a different size or colour or whatever, let us remember that just as the world requires those small pieces of paper as hard evidence that something has been purchased, so the world is looking for hard evidence that we belong to Jesus.   It's in our words, our attitudes and our actions.  It's the fruit of a HOLY Spirit who is living in us and constantly changing us to be more like Jesus.   He is our heavenly receipt.  Proof of purchase.  Proof of ownership.  And we are so thankful that He has come and put His stamp on us.

Day 24 gold and frankincense

https://soundcloud.com/carolinehamilton/gold-and-frankincense   A song I wrote for Christmas sung by Anne Laure Jackson.

Day 23 Aleppo

Where is God?  Why is He allowing this to happen?  Why can He not intervene and stop the madness and destruction and wanton evil which is causing so much horrendous suffering?   Where is He for the mother who has seen her children buried under tonnes of rubble and the traumatised two year old clinging to the nurse in abject terror?   Where is He?    I dont think there is anyone on the planet who believes in God and has not asked this question - and is not asking it at the moment as the tragedy unfolds on our screens daily. Where are you God and why aren't you stopping this? I asked this

question about another tragic happening many years ago . I was really really angry with God and I wasn't going to let Him off with any of the pat answers we are so often handed by the church and nice people who are good at heart but who don't have an answer. I wanted a real answer. And I wanted it from God. I got it. After a while of shouting at Him and telling Him He wasn't doing a good enough job.

Sitting in my car at the traffic lights one day, as clear as anything I heard Him say - Caz, I take full responsibility. That was it. That was what He said. Nothing else.

I started to think about that. God takes full responsibility for everything which happens on this planet. It is His world and He knows every detail about what is going on in it. So if anyone is responsible, then I guess it is Him. What does it mean to ' take responsibility' ? I suppose it partly means to be able to give a full and satisfactory answer as to why. God knows everything. He knows every person in Aleppo, their circumstance and their history. He knows the person pulling the trigger and the one under the rubble. He knows all their possible futures too. He sees what is going to happen in Aleppo in ten, fifty, three hundred years time. He knows who needs to be there and why at every moment so that His plan can come to pass. And He also knows who He has destined to be in glory with Him for eternity. The children who have died in the past months have been rescued from that hell hole and are now with Him in heaven - I am absolutely sure of it. There will be many many more who we don't expect to be there who will will recognise when we join them there. Refugees and victims and the poor, marginalised and downtrodden. He went after them when He was on earth and He is still in the business of going after them now.

I found this quote about responsibility

God has already fully accepted the pain of the consequences of His actions. When He allows someone to die in a bombing raid - He has already died there first. This is pretty hard to get our head around and Im probably not explaining it very well. I hope the Holy Spirit will help you as you read this to understand what I understood in the days and weeks after God spoke to me all those years ago. He is only able to take responsibility for the suffering in the world because He has suffered. He knows. He has been through it and much more, taking upon Himself not only the sufferings of the whole world, but the sins as well. We have no idea what He went through on the cross to bring us into peace and relationship with God. But having been through that He can now look us straight in the eye and say ' I can justify my action and my inaction in every case' There are reasons. The reasons are to do with the much bigger picture as well as the eternal destiny of each individual. It is hard to grasp, but with all my heart I know this to be true. God IS good. And He is NOT passively sitting by watching the suffering in Aleppo. He is suffering with those who suffer, weeping with those who weep, grieving over the selfishness and corruption and murderous vanity of those who are fighting. He is appearing to those who are dying and reaching out to them in their last moments. He is giving strength to rescuers and medics and wisdom to the church which is still there. And He is not afraid to stand up and own it all.

I recently heard a sermon given by a pastor from Egypt. Horrendous things are happening in Egypt - especially to Christians. The pastor told us not to pray for an end to the persecution but to pray that the church might have strength and hope in the midst of it because Jesus was doing mighty and amazing things on a daily basis. The blood of the martyrs is a powerful thing. The testimony of the church is shocking and awesome to a society which believes in vengeance and punishment rather than forgiveness and grace. Miracles are happening everywhere all the time and thousands and thousands are coming into the kingdom. Yes, churches are being burned out and people are being murdered and living in abject terror for their lives. And yet they can still say - don't pray for this to stop, we can see what God is doing here. Awesome eh?

In the Old testament God said to Moses ( Ex 33;19) ' I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion ' In other words, God will not be constrained by our ways of thinking. He will be outrageously kind where He sees fit - in a gazillion places where we would not be kind. He will show mercy to those who don't deserve it and He will not intervene where we think He should. He is God. We know what He is like - He is like Jesus. And we love Jesus with all our hearts. So it is time to grow up and trust Him. And pray pray pray that His will be done in every soul in Aleppo, that His purposes are worked out, that His mercy brings all of those who are dying into His glory. His enemy is defeated but the death throes are ugly. Let us do our part in dismantling the works of darkness in every way we possibly can.

Day 22 ( trust)

The boys are getting excited about Christmas.  There are presents under the tree and they are periodically picking them up and shaking, poking, prodding at them.  Sam is convinced that his present is a rucksack - and he is not impressed.  Ben has decided that the square parcel with his name on it is a lever arch file!!!   He is serious.  

This amazes me.  My boys know me really well.  They have never not got the things they want for Christmas ( within reason) and know that I always manage to find them good surprise presents too..... and yet they are still convinced that this year, for some odd reason, I'm going to have bought them rubbish gifts.   Partly this is because they can see what is wrapped up under the tree and their imaginations will only take them so far when it comes to guessing whats in them.   And partly its a fear of not getting something good. And some of it must be a lack of trust in me.

I expect I'm exactly the same with God.  I know Him, I know that He has never failed to meet my needs in the past.  He has always come up with the goods at the crucial moment and yet.... and yet maybe this time will be the time He wont.    Why do we do that??   It makes no sense but doubt seems to be our default mode doesn't it?   I wonder if it is a bit like being able to see the wrapped present but not having the imagination to work out what is in it and therefore going with the first thing which comes to mind.   It is soft and squishy and big so it must be a rucksack.   We look at the evidence before our eyes.   Its unlikely and improbable and therefore God won't do it.  Or it has taken longer than we wanted so it's not happening.    And we fear the consequences of not getting the answer we need - and then fear drives out faith and we find ourselves in a cycle of doubt.

I have been somewhat amused at Sam and Ben's reactions to the presents under the tree.  You see I know what is in them.  I know that they are going to be delighted when they open them and that there is not a rucksack or a lever arch file in sight 😊  They are getting themselves all worked up over nothing.  I could choose to set them right and just tell them what the presents are - but that would spoil the whole fun of the big reveal on Christmas day.

If you are poking and prodding at your prayer requests and have convinced yourself that God isnt going to give you what you need or desire then remember that He is the giver of GOOD gifts.  Every good and perfect thing that you have in your life comes from Him , the Father of lights.  If we, who are sinners, know how to give great Christmas presents to our kids and to each other, how much more will our Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit, and with Him all things, to those who love Him?  And trust me , the day to open those gifts is coming soon.  Just hang on for a little while longer.  God can't wait to see the look on your face when you receive the gifts He has for you!

Day 21 ( tipping point)

I was walking the dog down by the dam yesterday morning - there's a weir at one end with some mesh fencing across it to stop large pieces of debris from getting downstream.  A large branch/small tree trunk had managed to work its way through a hole in the mesh and was teetering over the edge of the weir.  As I glanced at it I heard the words  ' tipping point'.  And I knew that this was to be the subject of the blog today.

However, as I thought about the two words all day and waited to get more information/illustration/ useful hints as to what it was all about...... nothing!   So here I sit at the laptop hoping that as I type I will gain some miraculous revelation as to what its all about.   There are two things which have vaguely come to mind.  One is the penny falls machine in the amusement arcade.  Put the pennies in, watch the bar push coins ever closer to the edge, watch a few pile up and teeter on the brink for what seems like ages and then .... whoosh! Ten pence tips over the edge and you rejoice, despite having spent forty pence in the process  😊   We have all seen those machines - there's even a game show on the telly called Tipping Point which is basically a huge arcade machine pushing counters over the edge.

Then there is the scientific thing - a fulcrum, a lever, a point of no return.  The moment where the balance shifts and what was going up now starts to come down.

OK.  We get that.  So what is the application and what does it have to do with Advent?   Ummmm..... hang on, I think something is appearing from out of the murk of my brain ....

I think perhaps there are two sorts of tipping points in our lives.  The first is like the penny falls.  Where we feel that we have been pushed right to the edge and we are only being held by others around us and any minute now something is going to happen to send us over into the abyss.   I think most of us will have had times in our lives when we have felt like that.  Circumstances just keep pushing and pushing.  People are difficult, finances are tight, opportunities are limited, hope is fading and demands on us are relentless.  We are just one tiny coin in a huge pile of coins and we feel we have no value to anyone.

God say no.

God says you are valuable because you are imprinted with an image of the Sovereign.  You carry His mark and therefore his authority.  He wants you out of the machine and in His pocket where he can spend you as He sees fit.  I hesitate to say this because I dont want to push the analogy too far, but perhaps for some of us the way out of the machine is to actually go over the edge and be caught by the everlasting arms which are always underneath and all around us.   Perhaps for others of us the trick is not getting put into the machine in the first place! Life is not a random game of chance,  and its not a gamble.  If that's how your life feels right now then maybe you are not in the right place  -you might well be stuck in the machine.


The second sort of tipping point is the see saw.   For some reason they always get the poor dogs to do this in those agility class obstacle courses.  Creep up slowly until the thing is level and the tipping point is reached, teeter precariously for a second and then begin the descent, having to adjust balance etc in the process.  This seems to be a more active and participatory thing than the coin scenario.  We are moving forward of our own volition rather than being pushed. It's uphill and we know at some point there will come a scary moment when the balance will shift - and the only way to find out where that point is is to keep on moving forward.   The see saw is an obstacle - but it is one we can get over with a bit of courage a bit of confidence and some good technique ( practice makes perfect)  In the picture the dog's owner is cheering him on and waiting for him at the end of the seesaw.  I'd like to think that's how God deals with us.  Not necessarily removing the obstacle, but cheering for us as we negotiate it.

In both scenarios the tipping point is the point of no return.  The coin is being ' pushed over the edge' which Im pretty sure is not a good thing.  The dog however is over half way through the challenge and its all downhill after that.  The Master is waiting at the bottom.  The tipping point for the dog is a good thing.

Jesus came into the world to show us our value, to take us out of the machinery of the world and put us in His pocket so He can spend us extravagantly.  We are the only currency He has 😊 If you know someone who is teetering on the edge today then pray that you will be there to catch them when they fall and that they will find their way into the hands of God and not just get put back into the machine to suffer the same thing all over again.   Jesus also came to walk with us through the challenges of life.  So if everything is an uphill struggle right now, be reassured that there is a tipping point somewhere up ahead where you might feel a bit wobbly for a while, but thereafter its all downhill and into the arms of Jesus who is waiting for you with a ' well done!'


Or perhaps all of that is a load of codswallop.   If you guys have any more coherent thoughts than mine please do share them.  Always appreciate your feedback  xx

Day 20 (mind reading)

I went to see Gladys yesterday.  92 and still going strong . 😊  I have visited her every week for the past several years and over that time her memory has declined and she has become increasingly

muddled.   She repeats the same stories over and over again - and whilst she has an incredible memory for people and places long past ( she could name every girl on her old school photograph for example) she cant remember what she had for breakfast or if she went to church last Sunday or what you told her ten minutes ago.    This doesn't really matter much to me because I know her so well that I can anticipate what is coming next and fill in the blanks for her.    So today when she was telling me about one of her granddaughters the conversation went something like this....

G       ' Vania was 20 and she had a birthday party'
Me    ' yes, that's right.  You were there weren't you?'
G       ' ummmm........ oh I can't remember their names....
Me    ' Eddie and Marilyn
G      ' Yes!   Eddie and Marilyn!  What would I do without you?  She had blue hair you know?
Me    ' I know, but it isnt blue any more..... it was just a dye that you can wash out so it wasnt blue for            long'
G     ' She was supposed to be going...... to...... ummm, now where was it? I forget'
Me   ' Italy'
G     ' yes, Italy, that's right'

and so on ... and on and on 😊

I reckon that anyone listening in on our conversations would think I was a mind reader.  I know exactly what she is on about and what she is going to say next.  Partly because we have the same conversations over and over, but mostly because I understand how Gladys thinks and where she is making the connections.  It is logical to me where it isn't to most people.   They say that people who have been married for years and years start to be able to finish each others sentences .   I'm a bit like that with Gladys.  I know her really really well and I understand how she thinks and what she is trying to say.  Because I have spent many hours in her presence, talking to her and listening to her.



That's how I want to be with God.

I want to know Him so well that I know what He thinks about stuff.   I want to be able to finish His sentences for Him and anticipate what He is going to say next  ( It's called being ' prophetic' )  I want to make the connections He makes about people and situations and have the mind of Christ in all things.

How do I get there?   The same way I got there with Gladys I suppose.  

Time and love.

Day 19 ( gifts)

As you will all know by now , after the Bible, Radio 4 is my go to resource for all things wise and wonderful .  Today I was listening to an article about the fact that in the UK we spend around THREE BILLION pounds a year   ( every year) on Christmas gifts that nobody wants.

That will be those fridge magnets, bubble bath, hat and scarf sets, key rings, recipe books etc etc etc - the ones which get put in a drawer and forgotten about until the next trip to the charity shop.   Three billion is a heck of a lot of money.  I suppose it keeps people in jobs but........

Im a bit of a fanatic when it comes to giving gifts.  I hate the thought that something I have given someone will be put in a drawer - and I absolutely love it when I find the perfect present for someone.  Like today in fact.  I found the most fantastic fleecy hoody thing for Ben today.  As soon as I saw it I just knew that he will love it and I cant wait to see his face on Christmas day when he opens it.  He will put it on and not take it off for a week.  I just know it.  😀    But even better than that was what happened when I walked into my favourite charity shop this afternoon.....

Last night I was out spending time with a friend of mine who is having a bit of a tough time.  We chatted through all sorts of things, and half way through the conversation I made a mental note to look out a book which had really helped me, and give it to her.   Although I wasnt sure if I had lent it to someone else and not got it back.  And it's an american publication - not sure if its available here, I bought my copy online and it came from the States.    So yes, you guessed it,  I walked into the charity shop today - and there was a copy of the book , in pristine condition.  It wasnt there last week - I would have bought it if it had been.   Don't you just love it when that stuff happens?   Not only did I have a wonderful little God moment in the shop, but I now have the perfect gift to give my friend.

However, the joy in giving, it seems to me, is directly proportional to the joy expressed by the person receiving.   There is nothing as disappointing as having found the ' perfect' gift, only to have the person to whom it is given disregard it.   I know this from experience.  Keith and his family don't really ' do' the present thing.   And because they don't really bother too much with the giving of gifts they don't really do the receiving thing either.    As a consequence I spent the first ten years of married life trying very hard not to be crushed by the lack of response to my intricately thought out, nicely wrapped, surprise gifts.   I tried to explain to Keith that all I needed was for him to enthuse just a bit at the moment of unwrapping.  But he just doesnt get it 😊     It no longer bothers me - but it took a while.

I have made sure to teach my boys how to be good receivers.  From a very young age they were primed not to say ' I've already got that'  and ' I dont like it'   and ' I wanted a red one not a green one'. I explained to them at length that what is important is not the gift but the giver.  The fact that someone has taken the time to choose something, pay for it, wrap it up and give it.  That this in itself deserves gratitude and that if we already have the thing or want a different one this can be sorted afterwards.  What is more important is the feelings of the person doing the giving.   They really did understand that from being little and now they are really good receivers - I can still remember Sam's reaction a few years ago when Ben gave him a picture he had painted.  His expression of delight was truly heartwarming and Ben was thrilled.    We need to teach our kids to be kind, thoughtful, appreciative of others and to be good at receiving.   It is important for shaping the adults they will become.

God is a giver.  It is pretty much all He does.  He gives us breath and life in our mothers' wombs.  He gives us sunsets and snowstorms.  He puts fish in the sea and turkeys on our plates.  And He gives us Jesus, His own Son.   I wonder how hurt He feels when we are indifferent, complaining, greedy and ungrateful with the things He gives.  And I wonder how delighted He is when, like excited children, we delight at the book on the shelf, the hoodie in the shop, the pebble on the beach and the sunset over the mountains.   We can never say thank you enough.

Day 18 (faith)

But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him  Heb 11:6

I must have heard, read and spoken the first part of this verse a zillion times.  But on Monday night at the healing service in St Annes Cathedral where I lead worship, I suddenly understood something new.   The new thing was the word AND

We know that we need faith to please God - faith which consists in believing that God exists, that Jesus is God in human form who has died for our sins and was raised to life again to buy us back to God.  That part isn't a problem for most of us I think.  But there is an AND.  It is not enough to believe in those things, we ALSO have to believe that God is ' a rewarder of those who seek Him'
And that might be a bit more problematic for some of us 😊

If you are as old as I am you might remember The Sacred Diaries of Adrian Plass which came out decades ago as a Christian parody of the Secret Diary of Adrian Mole  ( If you are under 40 you want have a clue what Im on about - never mind )   I distinctly remember that in one of the Sacred Diaries Adrian describes meeting someone who tells him that the gospel is basically this -  God is nice , and He likes you!    For some reason those few words have really stuck with me over the years.   It is true.  God is nice.   He is really nice.  And He likes you.  Alot.   If only we could grasp this fully - that He is good and kind and sweet and caring and that we are the apple of His eye then how much easier would it be to have faith.  If we could pray just knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God is for us not against us.  That He is 100% on our side and that He is busting a gut to make it happen for us.  But somehow it seems so much easier to believe the opposite.

How often, when we come to pray, do we qualify our requests with ' if it is Your will God'.  And what we mean by that is '  I'm not sure if You really want to do this for me.... so I will hedge my bets here and throw it all back on You'.    It is why we pray the same thing over and over - just in case He didn't hear, or we didn't say it right or we didn't have enough faith the first time.    And yes yes, I know about persistence and I know about praying in the will of God.  But you know what Im getting at.... do we really understand. accept wholeheartedly, that if we go after God He will reward us?   

Ive got a friend who is going through a tough time at the moment.  God seems to have been silent during a time when she has really needed Him to be there.  People have been mean, unhelpful, wounding  ( church people obviously - its never our worldly friends who kick us when we are down is it??! )  She is weary of doing battle and feeling that she is getting nowhere. She wants to give up. 
I cast my mind back five years to another friend who was in a similar position - who was so angry with God's apparent inactivity and indifference that he said he was going to walk away from God.  Jack it all in.  Forget about being a Christian altogether.   I stood on the sidelines and watched and prayed.  There was nothing I could say to persuade him that God was on his side, loved him and was actually present and active in his situation.  He couldn't see it and didn't believe it.   But that didn't matter.  Because God knew his heart and knew that despite the raging and the storming my friend was desperate.  For answers.  For change.  For Jesus.   I really do believe that he was seeking God more during those really dark days than he ever had in his life before - but from where he was standing he had given up on God.   He couldn't see that the wrestling was all part of the process, that the doubts and questions and struggling with big questions about the very nature of God were part of the diligent search.  

 Whilst it was all very difficult for a good couple of years, Im now happy to relate that God has brought him out into green pastures and done things which he could scarce have imagined when he was in the bottom of the pit.   God does not let us go.  Even when we feel as though He has.   Even when we feel as though we have let go of Him.   He rewards those who seek Him.   We don't need to seek Him when He is up close and personal.  It is when He is hard to see, difficult to hear, when He seems to have disappeared...... that's when the seeking happens.  And sometimes the seeking is ugly and frustrating and difficult.  

If we go back to the verse in Hebrews, it seems to me that what it is saying is that we can make God happy by believing in His existence and in His nature.   Lots of people believe that God exists.  Probably the majority of people in the world would say that they believe in a creator, or in a higher purpose, or in a god of some sort.  But so many of them don't know Him.  They don't know what He is like.  In Jesus God has shown us what He looks like - and we have seen that He is approachable, generous, just, kind, powerful, wise, funny, compassionate, patient, super attractive and with us in the middle of our mess and brokenness.  If there was ever a time to reflect upon the nature and character of God it is Christmas time.  Every word of the Christmas story shows us what God is like.  And even though the world didnt receive Him , He came anyway.  Because it's never been up to us.  💗

Day 17 ( sacrifice)

Was walking the dog and thinking about what to write in the blog yesterday when I think I heard God say that He wanted you all to know that He sees your sacrifices.  And He is well chuffed.  😁

Now I know that the Bible says that to obey is better than sacrifice and all of that stuff - but that's Old covenant.  We now know that we can't earn our way into heaven or buy our salvation with good works - so that's not the sort of sacrifice God is talking about.   What He delights in is the attitude of heart which puts Him above our own desires.

God wants to say thank you to the single people who have made the choice not to settle for ungodly relationships or stray into temptation because they would rather honour Him.   He wants to hug the people who have put their own lives on hold to care for elderly relatives or disabled and sick family members.   He wants to shout with joy about those who have chosen to stay in difficult marriages because they made a promise that that is what they would do - even when the world is telling them that they can walk away and feel so much happier.    God loves it when we opt for the difficult way of righteousness and holiness - the narrow gate - the way which costs us dearly.   It is easy to choose the wide road of self fulfilment and feelgoodism  ( I just made that up - it should be a word don't you think? )  It is easy to spend more than we have in the bank and just live on credit - and it is hard to say no to your kids and not go on holidays and wear clothes from the charity shop.   God knows how hard that is.  And He LOVES you for living within your means and making those sacrifices.

He loves those who have said no to good jobs because they have felt the nudge of the Spirit saying ' this is the way walk in this, not that'.   He is proud of you Mums who have opted to put your careers on the back seat to look after kids when they are little.   He understands how exhausting and boring and downright difficult that can be.   God rejoices that you continue to tithe when you are not entirely sure if you are going to have enough money to put food on the table this month.   He is so proud of you every time you resist temptations, big and small and choose to do the right thing.

Every time you make a sacrifice because you are a follower of Jesus God's heart is blessed.  And today He wanted you to know that.

Receive His big THANK YOU.    And know that not one of your sacrifices has been in vain.  Because even though you might not be able to see any good at the moment, you are laying up treasure in heaven.  Soon and very soon we are going to see the King.  And you will wear your victors crown as an overcomer.  What a day that will be !

Day 16 (testimony)

Ive been painting stones again.  Lots and lots of them.   Here's a little story about what happened yesterday.

On Saturday we had our church leaders round for lunch.  We have moved church recently, from the lovely Church of Ireland church plant in Moneyreagh ( miles and miles away from where we live) to the Vineyard in Lisburn.  We are hoping to be moving house to Lisburn soon cos all three boys are now at school there and it is where I work.  So we thought we ought to be going to church in town again and have ended up at Vineyard - the lunch was a         'getting to know you' exercise.  I explained to Andy and Dana that Id been painting stones and why and they thought it was a neat idea and said I could bring them to church yesterday and they would make an announcement and ask church to distribute the stones round town in the week leading up to Christmas.

When I got to church we ended up sitting on the opposite side from usual.  I glanced around and my eye landed on Gail who runs a local charity for vulnerable families.  I dont know her very well but I had the strong impression that I was to go over to her and ask her what she needed.  I sat through the service, waiting for Andy to make the announcement about the stones, which we had brought to church and left at the back of the hall ready to be picked up by people on their way out.   But it became apparent as Andy preached that the stones were not going to fit in with the general message of the sermon at all.  And right enough, he chose not to mention them and later told me he would do it next week

I went over to Gail and stood waiting for her to finish a conversation.  As she turned and saw me - before I could say anything to her- she said '  Oh I was going to come and talk to you today.  Did you leave a Jesus stone on my doorstep last night?'   I don't even know where she lives!  So I told her that no, it wasn't me.  (And how weird that she would be talking about Jesus stones when I'd been painting them all week. )  Then she went on to say that she had a nativity scene at home which she had wanted to put up this week but that it was missing a baby Jesus.  She had remembered hearing that I painted stones, and as her nativity scene was actually made from stones she thought one of my Jesus babies would do the job.  She had decided she would look for me in church on Sunday and ask me if I could get her a stone.   But when she opened her door that morning to go to church, there was a Jesus stone all wrapped up on her doorstep.  😊

I told her that it had not been me, but that strangely enough I did actually have a couple of hundred Jesus stones with me in church!   To which she replied that she had been so blessed to find her stone that morning that she thought she would take some to give to the vulnerable families she works with - and I was able to send her away with a box full.  But not before I had prayed with her about her needs, which was a blessed time indeed.

You would think after thirty years of seeing God in the small stuff that I would no longer be surprised when He weaves things together like this.  But I still am.

I came home and emailed my friend Karen who is the only person I could think of who knows about the Jesus stones and who also knows Gail.  She hadn't left the stone on Gails doorstep.  So it's a mystery.  Maybe it was an angel.   It seems like such an insignificant and ridiculous thing to get excited about - and of course it is.  Except for the fact that it shows that God knows Gail through and through.  He knows every thought of her heart and all those tiny little secret wishes which are inconsequential in the greater scheme of things which but matter to her.   She wanted a complete nativity scene.   It was the smallest ' want' at the bottom of a huge list of big ' wants'   I'm sure she has.  In meeting this tiny desire in an unexpected way and at the perfect time, God showed Gail yesterday how much He is involved in her life.  How closely He is listening.  How much He wants to bless her - in the tiny things and the huge things.   He was showing  her that He can provide her with tangible things that she asks for.  And He was showing me that I was right when I got that feeling that I needed to speak to Gail.  The stone was just a funny lovely story to tell, but what we prayed about on the back of that incident was much more important and, I trust, significant.

I sometimes wonder when I'm doing mad things like painting stones, whether I am wasting my time and being ridiculous and whether I'm not just dangling my feet over the end of yet another bandwagon which isnt going anywhere.   In fact I was having those very thoughts throughout the service yesterday.   And then Gail told me how blessed she had been to open her door and find Jesus there.   And I have to believe that when over 200 Jesus stones go out into town sometime between now and Christmas at least some of them will end up in the hands of people who will be really touched to receive them.   I have prayed over them all and asked God to use them how He sees fit.   To remind people at this time of year that He is here.  He is deeply involved.  He is good and kind and He cares.

Day 15 ( covenant)

Had my church leaders round for lunch yesterday.  They have three children under five so it wasn't exactly the ideal time to have a deep and meaningful - it was more a ' getting to know you' time.  But of course we did touch on a few spiritual things.  One of which was covenant.

Surprisingly Wikipedia offers quite a helpful definition of what a Biblical covenant is.

1. First, a covenant defined (or sometimes created) a relationship. This relationship might be between a king and his vassal states, between a deity and his nation, between two humans, etc.

2. Some covenants are conditional (if one party does A, then the other party will do B), just as with a present-day contract. But generally, ancient covenants are unconditional (each party commits to a certain action, regardless of whether the other party keeps the covenant). ^[1] [2]

3. Covenants often included the slaughter of animals as a symbol of their significance.

4. Unlike present-day contracts, covenants often carried no expiration date. Thus the parties were understood to be bound by the covenant until death (or forever, in the case of covenants with God).

5. A contract is enforced by the civil government; a covenant is regulated by God.

6. A contract involves the exchange of property or actions; a covenant binds two parties together personally. ^[3]

The thing which really stands out to me in that list is the fact that God's covenants with us are unconditional.  That the promises He makes are not contingent on us keeping our side of the bargain - which is amazing isn't it?    When God killed an animal to give Adam and Eve a covering He was shedding blood for the forgiveness of their sins - despite the fact that he knew they would go on to sin again.  And again.  And again.   When Jesus came to earth as a baby to shed His blood as the ultimate and final sacrifice He kept His side of the bargain regardless of how we were going to respond.  I'm pretty sure that this is one place where our God has one over on other religions.  He takes the initiative and puts in place a rescue plan before we have even made a move towards Him.  He doesn't require us to fulfil a list of conditions before He throws the lifeline.   We don't have to pray in a certain way or follow a set of religious rules, or go to some sacred place.  Isn't that just the most fantastic good news.  That even whilst we were still in our sin Christ died for us ( Rom 5:8) ?

God has cut us a deal - and in this deal He pays all the expenses and we get all the benefits.  Why aren't people flocking to the church and knocking down the doors to get in saying  ' give us what you have got'  ?   Seriously.  Why aren't they?   It doesnt make sense.   If you stood outside Tesco and told people that you were paying off their mortgage for them, all they had to do was sign up......   would they do it?   I wonder.  I wonder if people would think it was ' too good to be true'.  These days people are not good at receiving  and they have an inherent mistrust of being scammed.   But thats no excuse for us not standing there and telling them anyway.

Come on church.  We have great, brilliant, fantastic, life saving, life changing news to give to the world.  A FREE gift to give people this Christmas.   Let's not waste any opportunity just to tell it like it is.  God loves the world. He has paid the price. It is for you and it is free.  Come and get it!

Day 14 ( senses)

the house among the roses
one of Monet's last paintings

This week 90 years ago Claude Monet, the artist, died.  I happen to know this because quite by chance I turned on the radio this afternoon to a radio play about Monet's last few years.  I knew very little about him apart from the fact that he painted water lillies, so I was astounded to discover that for the last few years of his life Monet was almost completely blind.   But what is staggering is the fact that he was still painting.  Despite having less than ten percent vision in only one eye and not being able to see colours properly , let alone shapes or people.

It made me think of Beethoven composing some of his most amazing work when he was totally deaf.  So deaf that when he finished conducting his works someone had to physically turn him around so that he could see the audience applauding - he was unable to hear or even sense them.

Aren't human beings amazing?  

But there is something more to this than just the dogged determination of the human spirit to keep on creating even when the odds are severely stacked against.  I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I think it has something to do with the other dimension in which we are living - the spiritual realm where we can see things that are not visible to the human eye and hear things that are not audible in the natural world.   The 21st century tends to label people as mentally ill if they ' hear' and ' see' things which are ' not there'.   But the 21st century has missed a trick.  Because the invisible world is more real, vital, powerful and present than this pale shadow in which we live.  Every now and again this other dimension breaks through into time and space and angel choirs appear in the sky.  Gabriel appears to Mary.  Moses and Elijah come down on a mountain top.  Loaves and fish suddenly multiply.  Water becomes solid enough to walk on.  Dead people are resurrected and ascend into heaven.   THAT is the reality.  All this stuff we can touch and see and hear and taste and smell is just a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

God is super creative and wonderful and alive.  I just know that there is music in heaven which is more glorious than anything we could ever start to imagine.  There are colours we have yet to experience and for which we have no names.  The artistry of God in nature takes our breath away - so just imagine what heaven is like!     The supernatural is constantly at the threshold , so close that it can be seen and heard and touched and tasted.  All we need to do is still our bodily senses and ask that our spiritual senses be opened up.  Then, like Elisha's servant, we might look up one day and see chariots of fire, or like Mary, Elizabeth and Joseph see angels.

Day 13 ( be careful )

Some days when I wake up I have a thought about what to write in the blog and then by the end of the day that thought has gone and I cant find it.  This morning when I woke up I had something about this verse chugging around my brain

It is a verse which first came to my attention many many years ago when I read The Final Quest by Rick Joyner.  A book which totally changed my view on life, church and being a Christian.  I was so blown away by it that I gave it to my Pastor.  He was so blown away by it that he told our 400+ strong congregation that they all should read it.  And most did.   It is a prophetic vision given to Rick Joyner several decades ago now, and it paints an allegorical picture of the state of the church, the battle which is being waged against us and the strategy of God in that battle.

In one scene Rick Joyner is climbing a mountain.  He is under constant fire from the enemy and he is on precarious ledges and uneven ground.  Finally he climbs up to a level where there is more space and he is able to stand firm and fight.   He begins to feel confident that now he is safe.  He has got a foothold.  He is able to focus on the battle now because he is assured he wont slip.   In the middle of this description of his confidence he hears God speak these words from 1 Cor 10.  He looks around and realises that he has unconsciously been edging closer and closer to the edge of the ledge whilst he has been concentrating on the battle.   Had God not warned him he would have gone over.    Joyner stops and wonders what to do - then he realises he has a sword and sees that rather than use his sword to fight, if he plunges it into the ground and ties himself to it it will stop him slipping and falling off the 

mountain.   So he starts to use this technique and it works.  Thereafter he uses his sword as an anchor - and of course the sword of the spirit is the word of God .  As I've said, the whole thing is an allegory

This evening as I was scrolling through facebook someone had posted this.  ( its a ten second film clip)

http://www.looptt.com/content/video-tts-tonya-nero-wins-barbados-10k-surprise-finish

Whilst it might be quite funny to watch it actually sends a pretty important message about thinking we have got it in the bag when in fact it is still all to play for.

The Pharisees 2000 years ago thought they had got it all sewn up.  They knew the law, they followed God's commands, they did it by the book.   They had centuries of religious tradition behind them.  they prayed, they sacrificed, they tithed.  They thought they were standing on solid ground.  but they weren't.   I have learned from experience that at the very moment we are so sure we are right, God can come from left field and show us how wrong we were.  We really cannot ever afford to put our trust anywhere other than in Jesus.  Not in our own efforts or understanding and most certainly not in the works of man and the ways of the world.    We can't afford to slack off in the race we are running or take our eyes off the prize.  And that's not easy.  We can't do it all on our own.  We need people cheering us on and loving us and believing in us.  People who will push us back into God and keep us focused on Jesus - and who will love us enough to give us a kick when we are getting lazy, self assured and arrogant.  Who is that person in your life?  

Day 12 ( connections)

I had a bit of a nightmare today.

In my Jo Jingles job I have an ipod and a speaker and all the music for the classes are on said equipment.  I had four classes to do today and in the first two everything went exactly to plan.  But in class three I plugged in the speaker - and nothing happened.   It had all been working perfectly ten minutes previously - but the act of moving the speaker from one room to another had.... well, Ive no idea what had happened.  But it wasnt working.  Aaaarrrggh!   I had twenty eight kids sitting looking at me waiting to start singing and there was no music.

It turned out that the cable from the ipod to the speaker was dodgy.  So there was no connection.  And without a connecting cable the music wasnt able to get from the ipod to the speaker - no sound.   Even thought the ipod itself was working fine.  And so was the speaker.  Both pieces of technology are utterly dependent on a thin sliver of copper cable properly plugged in in order to work.  And that thin copper wire is really quite fragile and vulnerable to breaking.

Let us imagine that Jesus is singing songs to the world.  Songs of redemption and hope and love and salvation.  And we are the speakers He has chosen to use to broadcast His message.... through us people will be able to hear His song.  The conduit through which He comes to us is the Holy Spirit.  The Spirit of God who is sensitive and gentle and who it is possible to offend.

How do we grieve the Holy Spirit ?   According to Ephesians 4 it has alot to do with what comes out of our mouths.

And do not grieve God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live…. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

I suppose it makes sense - we cant be broadcasting the song Jesus is singing whilst at the same time slagging and ranting and being mean and bitter in our words.  A spring cant produce clear and bitter water at the same time.  It must be one or the other ( James 3:11)

So if we are longing for that sense of connectedness to Jesus - if we want to hear and transmit His word to the world, then maybe we need to place a guard on our lips (  Ps 141 :3 )  As James points out it is actually the hardest thing in the world to do to control our tongues. A sign of true maturity is the ability to zip it, bite it, hold it back and not just say what we want to say when we want to say it.  Allowing God to have control of our words is surely one of our ultimate goals 

Im not good at this.  Not good at all.  Ask my kids.  I sometimes wonder why God bothers with me at all when I am so negative and sarcastic and cross and impatient and mean.......   

But the wonderful amazing thing about God is that he never gives up on us.  Tomorrow is a new day.  There is always a second chance,  more forgiveness, more grace.   He is so determined that the world will hear His song that He will take any and every opportunity to use us to broadcast His message.  Surely the least we can do in return is to try to keep the channels open,  remain plugged in and take care of the connection.

Lord help me to eradicate the negative and unhelpful stuff that comes out of my mouth so that I do not grieve Your lovely Holy Spirit.  Keep me connected and plugged in to You so that I can hear you clearly and sing the song you are singing.  Amen

Day 11 ( on being grumpy)

I have started this blog about fifteen times today and still cant settle on what it is I want to say.  Maybe I should just shut up and say nothing at all!!  

Truth be told I am tired and super grumpy and not feeling at all spiritual or that I have any pearls of wisdom to offer.  I find Christmas a bit mad and stressful - and as the day gets closer the list of things to do just seems to stretch out ridiculously and impossibly.   Work is busy, Ive got five people coming for lunch on Saturday and the house is a tip.  The boys are all tired and ready for a holiday and tempers flare from time to time.  I cant remember who Ive forgotten to christmas shop for.  I think I shall just hibernate till the spring time.

A friend of mine was talking about all the nonsense in the run up to Christmas the other day.  And she pointed out that nowhere in the Bible are we told to remember and commemorate the birth of Jesus.  The only thing He asks us to remember is his death and resurrection.  Christmas is in essence a pagan festival which was appropriated by the church - and doesnt God make it clear in the Old Testament that we are not to do that?   So maybe this whole Christmas caper is a deception and a clever ruse of the enemy to take our eyes off the prize?   What if God is holding His head in His hands at this time of year every year, heartbroken because we are celebrating Christmas?

And then there are all the traditions and beliefs we are perpetuating for our children.   Are we ' buying into'  a commercial nightmare of greed and entitlement and selling it to our kids as something Godly??    I know families who dont ' do' Santa with their kids because they believe Santa is a lie and lying to our kids is not good.   It is tricky isnt it?   I dont think any Christian parent feels entirely happy about Santa.  But is banning him really a helpful alternative??  

Here's my take on it all

Winter is coming.  Life is stressful. The future is uncertain.  I need a Saviour.  I need to be loved and cared for and protected and provided for by One who is bigger and wiser and more powerful than me.  At the end of another year the thing which might give me focus and hope for the year to come is the thought that 2000 years ago a Saviour came.  The most important thing about His coming was indeed His death and resurrection - and Advent is as much about His coming back again as it is about his nativity.   We all know that He wasn't born on Dec 25th.   We know that Christmas has turned into a ridiculous jamboree,  We know that it can all be a distraction from Jesus.   But at the end of the day, if we didnt celebrate Christmas I would probably rarely stop to ponder the birth of Jesus.  I think about his death and resurrection often.  Every time I take communion for a start,  but I dont think about His birth much.  Except for at Christmas time.      The challenge of the church is to make Easter every bit as important to the world as Christmas is.   In fact, there must surely be a day coming soon when Easter becomes the main festival of our year.  Because so many people will be born again and in the kingdom, that spirituality will tip the balance over commercialism.   Roll on that day.

In the meantime I write my blog to try to keep my grumpy tired mind focused on something of Jesus for at least part of every day.  I ponder on my need for Him, His kindness to me and His overarching plan for the world.  It makes me thankful, and in that spirit of thankfulness I think I am better prepared to face the insanity which is this time of year.    On Christmas Eve we make a birthday cake for Jesus and on Christmas Day we sing Him Happy Birthday  ( naff I know but it helps us just to remember what it is really all about)  And I tell my children all the time that they are blessed and not entitled and that everything they have is a gift from a Good Good Father.